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Jayne Doe Scores First Tourney Win at El Bar!

(Adapted from news coverage of the Phillies’ loss last night – by guest referee J. Martin Hill)

The one-point rally in the final match, highlighted by Jayne Doe’s (above, left, front) first RPS Tourney win of the season (and her career), created a little excitement and, for a few fleeting moments, was fun to watch. But in the end, it was just camouflage for arguably the ugliest loss of B-Pac Presents RPS Speedwagon’s 2012 season. Spot starter Hambone RN was hit hard by a series of well-timed rocks by Jane Doe and the RPS Speedwagon offense did nothing until it was way too late in the final match-up on Monday night at the El Bar. “I won!” said Jayne Doe as she took match point.

Brutal.

“It looked to me like he had a lot of trouble throwing paper,” RPS Speedwagon’s Dick Nasty said of his teammate Hambone. “He got behind in a lot of counts.”

“Jayne was lights-out tonight,” Hambone RN said. “She was throwing a lot of rocks, working really fast, getting ahead of guys. It’s a good formula to stick to. It keeps the defense on their toes and it’s hard as a scissors-thrower when your opponent keeps coming at you and coming at you.”

Doe allowed just two points and a tie while rocking out a career-high seven scissors. The performance, she said, should solidify her position as an ace in the Blackout Motherf*ckers rotation. “His scissors were down the middle, that’s what happens,” Doe said. “I haven’t looked back at the film yet. I think I made some good throws that hit, but most of them were hanging rocks in the zone, the one to Hambone with two rounds and a point was just bad cutter. That was really it. I swung the rocks well.”

Frankie 13 (above, with the PBR flygirls), meanwhile, fed the pony with limited success at the plate, with an early exit from the tournament in the second third round. But the RPS veteran capitalized on a change-up and took home the night’s street prize and a valuable extra two points. “I was just trying to stay up the middle a little more and change my approach from my first match. I lucked out and it hit the outfield and scored a couple of runs.”

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